User Manual: SOPHIE DZARKOVICH

SOPHIE DZARKOVICH: User Guide and Manual


CONGRATULATIONS! You have just purchased your very own SOPHIE DZARKOVICH unit. This manual was written in order for you, the owner, to unlock your unit's full potential as a teacher, artist, and/or archeologist.

Technical Specifications:
Name: Sophie Dzarkovich. Will respond to "Republic of Croatia", "Croatia", happily to "Sophia" or "Schwester" , irritated to "Cousin Croatia" or "Nipote", and very angrily to "The Other Boot" or "Soso".
Age: 21
Place of Manufacture: Zagreb, Croatia
Height: 5'6"
Weight: 130 lbs
Size: Omitted

Your SOPHIE DZARKOVICH unit comes with the following:
One (1) WWII Era Military Uniform
One (1) Traditional Costume Dress
Two (2) Pairs of Glasses
One (1) Intermediate Archeology Kit
One (1) Rusty Axe
Six (6) 100 Page Sketchbooks
Ten (10) 0.5 pt Mechanical Pencils

Programming
Your SOPHIE DZARKOVICH unit is equipped with the following traits:
Therapist: Your SOPHIE DZARKOVICH unit has a good sense of worldly knowledge, and a surplus of tolerance and understanding. Whether you're down in the dumps and need a lift or floating on cloud nine and need a healthy dose of Reality, she'll be there to listen to your petty ramblings.
Tutor/Teacher: Your SOPHIE DZARKOVICH unit is well-educated and patient enough to stand even the most wayward of students. She can help you out on anything ranging from your AP English class to basic Biology. Just don't let her teach you math, though, because you'll probably score negative points on your upcoming exam.
Archeologist: SOPHIE DZARKOVICH is very proud of her country's archeological history, and as such has a lot of fun digging up bones and old artifacts from ancient human kind. She is persistent, and with the proper motivation will be happy to dig up just about anything for you!
Sketch Artist: Your unit is quite skilled in sketch art, and loves drawing. If you want to make a quick buck, simply take her out downtown and have her draw caricatures of random strangers!

Removal of your SOPHIE DZARKOVICH Unit from Packaging
Awakening your SOPHIE DZARKOVICH unit is quite a breeze most of the time, but if she was disturbed during shipment she might be a little unnerved and difficult to wake up. Your unit tends to sleep a lot in general, but isn't too upset if you disturb her slumber. Regardless, we've provided a list of failsafe ways to wake her. Some of them may prompt a violent reaction, but once she sees you are not a SADIQ ADNAN or IVAN BRAGINSKI unit, she will be perfectly polite, giving you a chance to reprogram her.

1. Play soft piano music, including anything from Beethoven, Mozart, or Chopin. Alternately, you could play her favorite song "Croatian Rhapsody". She will knock softly on the wood of the crate, addressing you as "brat" and asking if she can come out. It is now safe to open the lid, though she may be mildly disappointed when she sees you are not a RODERICH EDELSTEIN unit.
2. In your best Turkish accent, call her a twerp or "The Other Boot". She'll laugh evilly, asking if you want your ass kicked. You could also cook a Turkish dish. She will bust open the crate and hold her axe to your neck, but once she sees you are not a SADIQ ADNAN unit, she will apologize for jumping to conclusions and let you reprogram her.
3. Read Greek mythology and philosophy. She probably won't say anything, but once you remove the lid you will see she is happily listening. She'll ask you why you stopped, and demand that you continue. While you continue, you can reprogram her. You could also cook her grape leaf wraps. After the scent wafts around, it is safe to remove the lid, though she will be mildly depressed that you are not a HERACLES KARPUSI unit.
4. Speak to her in Russian, or address her as "Soso", and before you know it, she will have clawed her way out of the box and positioned an axe over your head. Once she sees you are not an IVAN BRAGINSKI unit, she will pipe down and let you reprogram her. We advise you stand far away from the box while doing this, as you may be stabbed by broken bits of the crate.

Reprogramming
After successfully getting your SOPHIE DZARKOVICH out of her box, you can decide to reprogram her to any of the following modes.

Friendly (default)
Distant (default)
Tsundere
Loving
Flirtacious
Terrified
Postal (locked)

The SOPHIE DZARKOVICH unit comes in both Friendly and Distant modes in addition to her tolerant and mild-mannered disposition. She is always willing to listen to your problems and react accordingly. However, when it comes to herself she prefers to remain silent, and doesn't seem to feel like anybody is worth getting close to, so she remains distant and perhaps a little cold.
The Tsundere mode is pretty hard to get to by yourself, as SOPHIE DZARKOVICH is a relaxed person in general. However, if you have a LOVINO VARGAS unit readily available, she'll be stuttering over her words, flustered, blushing and swearing like a sailor in a heartbeat. Alternatively, an IVAN BRAGINSKI unit will also do this to her, if aforementioned unit isn't bugging her too much.
Her Loving mode is pretty easy to access. Simply indulge her in any form of intelligent conversation, or let her cook you some Risotto. She will instantly enjoy your company, and her interest in interacting with you will be more than genuine.
Locking her in the same room with a LOVINO VARGAS, ARTHUR KIRKLAND, or IVAN BRAGINSKI unit for far too long accesses SOPHIE DZARKOVICH'S Flirtatious mode. She begins to lose her sense of sanity and starts shamelessly flirting with anything that moves. We are not responsible for possible bone jumping that may (read: will) result from this mode. This mode can also be accessed if she is in a large crowd of people and has nothing else to do but socialize.
This unit's Terrified mode is accessed instantly when you put her in the same room as a LUKAS BONDEVIK unit for too long without any other unit to distract her. Once she is in this mode, she is quite easy to control.
The Postal unit is locked, and for a good reason. This mode can only be accessed if you can get her in a state of emotional instability, such as Tsundere or Terrified. After she's been but in this mode, simply lock her in a room with a SADIQ ADNAN unit as well as with the unit that put her in her current mode. This will tear her emotionally, and she will snap.
We highly recommend you do not do this, and we aren't responsible for any damage cause to you, other units, or your home as a result of this mode. The only way to reverse this mode is to have her spend a week with a RODERICH EDELSTEIN or a HERACLES KARPUSI unit.


Relationships with Other Units:
ARTHUR KIRKLAND: Initially, it seems as though these two units despise each other. SOPHIE DZARKOVICH is spiteful about the idea of the two getting married*, and ARTHUR KIRKLAND is equally so. However, when these two sit down they seem to get along quite nicely and have lots to talk about. The chances of them developing a romance is slim, though small passionate flings could be likely, as they both have tendency to be hotheaded and argue with each other.
RODERICH EDELSTEIN: This is the older brother unit of SOPHIE DZARKOVICH. As such, she admires and respects him a great deal. There is no romance here, as both SOPHIE DZARKOVICH and RODERICH EDELSTEIN are repulsed by the idea of incest.
SADIQ ADNAN: Your unit despises SADIQ ADNAN with a passion due to their rocky history and his constant attempts at attacking her. There is a small chance at a love-hate relationship between these two if you put her in Loving mode before presenting him to her. Don't tell her if you plan to do this, though, because she will surely murder you.
HERACLES KARPUSI: The HERACLES KARPUSI and SOPHIE DZARKOVICH units get along flawlessly and are best friends. Your unit loves the HERACLES KARPUSI unit and considers him family. She is quite oblivious to any idea of a romance with him, as she sees the KIKU HONDA unit as HERACLES KARPUSI's partner. However, if you can somehow convince her that her best friend isn't gay for the tiny Japanese unit, she may develop feelings for him, and their relationship will blossom into a very casual, but very loving one.
LOVINO VARGAS: These two have a very heated relationship that will almost always end in romance. Every. Single. Time. Something about this unit turns her into a frustrated blushing mess of swear words and irritation, but she's quite attracted to him and vice versa. Though they argue quite a bit, it's more like old-couple bickering instead of actual fighting.
IVAN BRAGINSKI: Your SOPHIE DZARKOVICH unit is very Love-Hate with the IVAN BRAGINSKI unit. She acts as though the very mention of his name angers her. He has a tender spot for her, and his constant bugging bothers her. However, put them in a room alone and you will find that they have excellent conversations. There is a 70/30 chance their relationship will turn into something tender and loving, despite her general disdain for him and his general annoyance with her unwillingness to become one.
LUKAS BONDEVIK: Your SOPHIE DZARKOVICH unit is blatantly terrified of the LUKAS BONDEVIK unit, and for no discernable reason. She claims he is possessed, and looking at him for too long causes tears to erupt from her eyes. There is no chance this will evolve into a relationship, but we thought we'd put this relationship here just to elaborate why this unit puts her in Terrified mode.

Cleaning
Your SOPHIE DZARKOVICH unit is completely capable of cleaning herself, and can't go very long without doing so. She prefers to bath alone, and if you happen to disturb her during her bathing time, be prepared to see your life flash before your eyes because she will kill you.

Feeding
SOPHIE DZARKOVICH is a mediocre cook who can only really cook simple things like pasta and fish. Anything beyond that will make you and her both physically ill. Same goes for baking sweets. Cake, cookies, and other confectionaries normally turn out burned or too doughy. However, she can make bread and cooks a mean Risotto.

Rest
Your SOPHIE DZARKOVICH unit has a completely sporadic sleep schedule. She prefers to spend most of the daytime sleeping, and a large part of night and early morning awake. Despite her confusing schedule, she can pretty much sleep any given amount of hours and feel well rested. It also doesn't take long for her to wake up, and she doesn't mind being woken up.

Frequently Asked Questions
Q: My SOPHIE DZARKOVICH refuses to talk to anybody! She isn't smiling, and she's seems to be on the brink of a mental breakdown! What happened!
A: Check your supply of sketch paper. She probably doesn't have enough paper to draw on. Your unit will continue to act this way until she has proper sketch paper.
Q: My unit is breaking things, tearing up the house, and going on a rampage! What the hell is going on!?
A: Like the Question above, it probably has something to do with her art supplies. Except this time, since she's angry, it's probably her pencils. She either ran out of lead or cannot find any of her pencils. Find lead or pencils immediately if you value your life.
Q: My unit is shamelessly flirting with all of my friends, male and female alike. Why?
A: Your SOPHIE DZARKOVICH unit is socially awkward, and as such has trouble expressing how she's actually feeling. If she's flirting shamelessly, she's probably extremely nervous and doesn't know how else to handle it. You'll just have to wait until she's alone for it to go away.

Troubleshooting
Problem: Instead of a normal SOPHIE DZARKOVICH unit, you have received a radically different young woman. She has dusty light blond hair and crimson eyes, and she smells like blood, wine, and cigarettes. She keeps threatening to kill you if you talk, and she puts her cigarettes out on your skin. She also teases you constantly, often playing not-so-harmless practical jokes on you.
Solution: We're terribly sorry! It seems we've sent you 2p!Croatia, FRIDA DZARKOVICH. This unit will only respond to "Frida" and is quite the opposite of SOPHIE DZARKOVICH in every way. She is harsh, intolerant, and can't stand the sound of your voice. She is quite fond of SADIQ ADNAN and LUKAS BONDEVIK, but only because she wants to hear them scream out in pain. We recommend you lure her into a shipping unit and send her to Beijing before she murders you. We don't want her back.
Problem: Again, instead of a normal SOPHIE DZARKOVICH unit, you have received something entirely different. It is a tiny little girl dressed in a fluffy white dress with a white hat. She seems to be quite rebellious and smart-mouthed, and also keeps wreaking havoc on your neighbor's dogs, tearing up your house, and sleeping during the day. She also swears like a sailor and calls you stupid, then proceeds to ask you questions about something you have no clue about just to make you FEEL stupid, and prove her point.
Solution: Oops! Again! We've sent you Chibi!Croatia! This version of your unit is significantly younger and significantly less calm. Though she seems rambunctious and energetic, she is just as sweet at the normal one. This one is actually very fond of IVAN BRAGINSKI and Little!IVAN BRAGINSKI units, and has a strange admiration(bordering creepy) for the HOLY ROMAN EMPIRE unit. We recommend you pack her up and ship her back before you get too attached.

End Notes
If you take care and handle your SOPHIE DZARKOVICH properly, she will be a decent and friendly companion. She will always give you the benefit of the doubt, even if you're being a prick, but if you read the manual and handle her properly, we guarantee that in her eyes, you'll be worth tolerating. Enjoy!